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slippin' out the back exit

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ok [14 Feb 2005|11:21am]
.
3 has spokenhave spoken |your silence offends me.

[29 Jan 2005|12:24am]
I have officially moved here.
Of course, I'm keeping this thing around to keep up with "the loved" (all of you), but.... things are going to be pretty stagnant around here. I suppose it'll just serve as an inactive placeholder, and very-recent-archive directory.
your silence offends me.

screw bread and cake! eat a powerbook! [04 Jan 2005|08:02pm]
a discussion about hipsters.
speaker (me): "They're too poor to afford food."
other speaker (her): "They can eat a powerbook."

yum! appley.

Well. Screw your hip factor -- I still favor Windows over Mac. Even though they might not be a status symbol in certain circles of urban bohemians..... or quite as enticing when you're hungry. Besides... hearsay is that they leave behind an aftertaste most commonly described as "unreliable".
Well. with that I take leave of you, because I'm famished, with intentions to go out and obtain some food..... unless... anyone got an Apple product they'd be willing to part with?
1 has spokenhave spoken |your silence offends me.

[01 Jan 2005|10:20pm]
gmail is being screwy. I need to access my e-mail. grrrrr.
your silence offends me.

Haunted by the ghost of the girl I used to be [01 Jan 2005|12:29pm]
I found a picture of inexplicable origins, just lying around loose, vagrant and apart from all the other pictures. It's a casual snapshot of a pretty little child of ten whom flash photography flattered. My god, what has become of me in the past couple of years? Terrifying.
your silence offends me.

[21 Dec 2004|10:00pm]
My blog has moved to its new, more comfortable home on BLOGSPOT! It's so liberating! I have room to BREATHE!! And freedom! And space to stretch out my limmmmmmbs! This is insane. I feel like I've been promoted in position and upgraded from a cubicle to a commodious office (with a view)! I still have to transfer all my posts though, reproducing my LJ archives and such.

I have joined the ranks of the elite bloggers belonging to the blogspot community. I feel up to the challenge of upholding a respectable reputation for updating fairly consistently (and with substantially stimulating material of substantial length) as well as maintaining a reasonable level of sophistication. The steady improvement in the quality of my recent LJ posts have built up my confidence enough to -- actually, that's not the reason. I was idle today, and it seemed like a good remedy for boredom so I caved to the temptation of registering with Blogger (hastily, and without putting in as much thought as I would've liked.) hahahahaha.
(I've been idled by whatever.... viral throat infection I have. Not incapacitated, mind you, I'd never let myself be incapacitated by any common minor ailment. JUST IDLED, thankyouverymuch. I took the day off, hesitantly, and the only reason I even did that was because I thought I might have to pay the doctor a visit for my antibiotic fix.)

I'll prostitute myself to LJ no more! I take leave of you, you despicable world of dispensable accounts and no amenities! I'm off to enjoy all the great features and advantages (over LJ) that blogspot offers. Good bye! And GOOD RIDDANCE.
.....well, maybe not quite yet. I have three different shirts advertising my LJ, and I'm kinda in love with this concept (of blog promo on articles of clothing), so I can't exactly abandon it..... until I get some money to buy a customized shirt from neighborhoodies with the URL to my new blog inscribed on it. Care to make a donation? I'm not above begging.

disclaimer: URL subject to change at any time without notification.
6 has spokenhave spoken |your silence offends me.

[19 Dec 2004|10:41am]
Don't brood, it's unbecoming.
I have a certain terribly unbecoming habit of inalienable trait: stuttering and making a spectacular ass of myself! I assure you, I do frequently make a spectacular ass of myself. And then I will, almost instinctively, foolishly vow never to speak again, hole up in my living quarters for several days standing firmly by my vow, and eventually wander outside into the world again after the feelings of intense self-loathing and embarassment (to an extent) have diminished or gone stale. I'll cross paths with people and gradually grate away their patience, entirely unaware that I have lost their respect the very day I thought I earned it at all. But that's what my redeeming qualities are for, silly! Fret not -- my sharp wit, winning charm, and irresistable magneticism compensate entirely, and then some! Oh wait, that may present a problem, seeing as I don't have any redeeming qualities -- only fatal flaws. I don't have any intellectual assets. That must be why I sit around and wonder why I don't have friends (and occasionally read books I hate which I commit acts of brutality against). If I weren't so critical of spirituality, I'd say some sadistic young deity were deriving pleasure from the irony of consistently rehashing one of the great self-evident truths of life to those who know it well -- the great self-evident truth being that at the end of the day, you have only yourself to rely on. Other people are fickle and can't be trusted. It doesn't bother me a bit. But I hope it bothers everyone else.

The more I get to know you, the more I grow to hate you.
Remember when I noted that my relationship with people could be best described with the original (perceived) cleverism "The more I get to know you, the more I grow to hate you"? Well as it turns out, the feeling is mutual. Social interaction is like a game show. The overall effect I get from it is: Thirty seconds to prove you're worthy of this person's respect. Quickly. Chop chop! And before you know it, your thirty seconds are up, and you have failed. to prove. anything. and the peevish game show host is glaring at you with those taunting "chop chop!" eyes, because in The Life Game, there is absolutely no room for error.

You read me like a book. I hate that.
I've got people nagging me about my hair. NO, I will not change it, NO, I will not wear it up -- ughh, let me BE. I'm really touchy about my hair. We all have our neuroses, (perhaps I, more than you) and I think you should respect my wishes not to comply with your inane demands. And I refuse offer you any explanations or reasons or make any effort to convince you -- obviously I object for a reason, so drop it because your persistence will not wear away at my resistance. Don't push me; I don't respond well to being cornered!
And then I've got people challenging my refusal to have my picture taken. I'll..... probably evade you until I find some opportunity to sneak out the window in the bathroom. But you'll unwittingly have caused me enough psychological turmoil and internal conflict to last several days. I hope you're happy.

My life is funny. I should write a novella. But I won't. Because.... with my writing skills? God help us.
your silence offends me.

What is up with me and my tireless quest for successful self-improvement? [12 Dec 2004|11:10pm]
This weeks brilliant ("brilliant") idea: PERIODICALS! In an ambitious effort to sharpen my mind, which is in dire need of sharpening, I've subscribed to half a dozen magazines (including the New Yorker, Readers Digest, and Harper's) with intentions of taking up feverish magazine-reading. I've also made a point of subscribing to the sunday New York Times in addition to my magazine overkill project.

Any recommendations for good satire zines? Not the onion, it's pretty mediocre. Come on, I'm serious. Comment one and all.
3 has spokenhave spoken |your silence offends me.

[09 Dec 2004|03:49pm]
Soft is playing two shows in LA this month, so go see them if you live there because they are EXCELLENT. I mean like.. EXCELLENT.
</ plug>

Man, do they have CONNECTIONS in the LA scene. So don't be surprised if you see pictures of them on Jacques's photography site afterwards.
2 has spokenhave spoken |your silence offends me.

[06 Dec 2004|10:35pm]
I hold myself in lower regards than I ever have, just for filling out this survey and calculating my score. With it comes major loss of self-respect points. A devastating loss of 32 self-respect points, to be exact.



how scene are you? 32
**0-24 - poser! get out or be forced out.
**25-44 - beginner. attend more shows, buy more records, you'll be fine.
**45-74 - scenester. you've been around awhile and you know what's up, good job.
**75 - or more - GOD! i bow to thee with your knowledge of everything hardcore


1. studded belt - 2 points: 0

2. dyed black hair - 2 points: 0

3. thick rimed glasses - 2 points: 0

4. tight shirts/pants - 2 points each: 2

5. gaudy belt buckle - 2 points each: 0

6. clothing bought from a thrift store - 2 points each: 4

7. having hair with bangs longer than the rest - 2 points: 0

8. trucker hats - 2 points: 0

9. messenger bag - 3 points: 0

10. livejournal/myspazz/friendster account - 2 points each: 4

11. saucony/new balance/converse shoes - 2 points per pair: 0

12. mountian climbing key thingy - 2 points: 2

13. X'd up mosh gloves - 10 points: 0

14. scarf - 2 points: 0

15. refering to bands as acronym - 2 points: 2

16. vegan diet - 5 points: 0

17. vegitarian diet - 4 points : 0

18. food not bombs participation - 5 points: 0

19. straight edge - 5 points: 0

20. aspiring photographer - 3 points: 0

21. using adj from the late 80's
early 90's (i.e. rad, gnarly, rockin', etc.) 1 point for each: 0

22. pins/buttons 1/2 point each: 0

23. plugs/body piercings - 2 points each: 0

24. vinyl collection - 10 points: 0

25. moldy peaches fan - 10 points: 10

26. liking metal seriously - deduct 5 points: 0

27. liking metalcore - 5 points: 0

28. reading books over 300 pages long - 3 points: 3

29. riding a bike - 5 points: 0

30. participating in "the mosh" - 5 points: 5

31. tea aficianado - 5 points: 0

32. writing poetry - 5 points: 0

33. attended 50 shows or more in a year - 2 points: 0

34. attending hell fest - 5 points: 0

35. being in a band - 5 points: 0

36. working at an indy record store/health food store - 5 points: 0

37. clapping durring midpaced part of a song - 0 points: 0



Here's what is wrong with this survey, and its direction of bias: the poor, misguided fool(s) who wrote this is under the impression that everyone's ultimate goal in life is to be "scene", and that if we aren't "scene" enough, we are wrong and ought to strive harder to be. (Also, the person neglects to mention siren festival and coachella.)

Additionally, the person(s):
- uses the word "poser". I disapprove. alternateen vernacular has no place in pseudo-intellectual society..... nor in my vocabulary.
- has evidently received misinformation that scenesterdom is to be looked kindly on
- is unaware that there is any anti-scenester sentiment present on the internet on which this survey is circulating
- is under the misconception that "awhile" is a word.
- ridiculously misspells the words vegetarian ("vegitarian"), aficionado ("aficianado"), and indie ("indy").

Well, congratulations, you have taken scenesterdom to an absurd new height! Until now, it has (as an institution) been relatively subtle about its pretension, but wow! Nevermind being discreet about or denying the pretentious undertones found in the values and fundamental beliefs scenester culture holds dear. Oh, no! Go right on ahead and admit it like there is absolutely nothing wrong with it! When did scenesters begin embracing, rather than rejecting, pretension? Since the very moment they evolved into a breed of their own? Hmm.. it's hard to make a distinction.

Okay, so now that that is out in the open, I ask that you kindly withhold your judgements of me based on my "scene points" (about 1/3 of them came from "moldy peaches fan" anyway) and instead, focus on all the things I didn't receive any "points" for to accurately determine where I am really located on the map of indie rock culture. That is to say, if the center and capital of all things "scene" is here, then I am way the hell





-------------------------------------------------> over here.
4 has spokenhave spoken |your silence offends me.

Lay off the pot, dear. [05 Dec 2004|05:53pm]

Look! My monstrous mutant pupil is devouring my iris!
more disturbing pictures of my eyes.Collapse )

I went to the ophthalmologist this morning. I'm happy to report that she's a little more competent than my physician. She put all kinds of drops in my eyes that stung like a bitch (while I squirmed) and prodded at my eyeballs, and then instructed me to sit in the waiting room for twenty minutes, all in preparation for examining my eyes. So I sat obediently in the waiting room in excruciating pain, waiting for the drops to take effect, and resisting the urge to gouge my eyes out. When I left, I noticed an increased sensitivity to light, so I wore sunglasses around all afternoon. When I took them off for a moment, I learned that what the drops did was dilate my pupils. My pupil looked like it was trying to swallow my entire eyeball. (Keep in mind that this was several hours after the ophthalmologist appointment, after the effects wore off a bit.) I looked like I was hopped up on something.
your silence offends me.

I'm growing uneasy, mr. doctor man. make haste! [02 Dec 2004|08:22pm]
OH. Well, fancy that! My eye lids appear to have swollen more severely still! This has been going on for about two years now, and there's kind of an urgency to make sense of my symptoms before they manifest themselves into a festering set of complications! I FEEL LIKE MY EYES ARE CLOSING UP. I'm serious, this is cause for alarm. My physician has already wasted my time with three appointments spanning the course of these past three months, none of which have produced any constructive progress on the lengthy, difficult quest to SOLVING MY PERPLEXING EYE PROBLEM. Conclusive diagnosis, please? Quickly, mr. doctor, before I develop further complications. thank you.
"I've performed a simple blood test, but no abnormalities came up."
Well then, I suppose that means I'm fine, doesn't it?! You mean to tell me that despite my steadily worsening symptoms, I'm FINE? That because my "SIMPLE" BLOOD TEST results came back normal, you can dismissively send me off on my merry way, declaring me "FINE"?! Because we all know that examining a blood sample is a fail-safe, all-encompassing means of detecting every single minor disorder and malady of the body, right? I'm fine, am I? I guess that's why my eyes are gradually swelling shut, isn't it? Jesus H! My doctor is an idiot. He examined my eyes, gave me a blood test, and stopped at that. Obviously, he's invested himself dutifully in curing my mysterious eye condition. yeah.... DIG DEEPER, damn it!
DOCTORS, man! You don't pay 'em good money to assure you you're fine when you very clearly AREN'T. I mean, I could expect that (and possibly learn to tolerate it) from other people. I already hear quite enough of, "It doesn't look to me like there's anything wrong with your eyes.." yeah? that's because you didn't know me when there WASN'T anything wrong with my eyes. I am a lot less fugly when I don't have a chronic eye infection. this is not normal!

On top of that, I feel senile. I have an unsettling suspicion that I'm aging prematurely and that my symptoms are an indication of the onset of.. ALZHEIMERS. Yeah. Y'hear that sound in the distance? Those are my brain cells disintegrating. (note the tone... I don't actually think I've been afflicted with alzheimers)
your silence offends me.

[29 Nov 2004|05:11pm]
jenyk.com calls Soft an "amazing new band". Jasper Coolidge, of all people, thinks they are an "amazing new band". That is prestigious.
2 has spokenhave spoken |your silence offends me.

[27 Nov 2004|09:25pm]
I fell asleep on the couch. When I woke, I sat up, disoriented, and mumbled, "it doesn't mean anything." And then, with an air of resignation, "it never does." I guess this is what it feels like to be truly disenchanted.
I have lost all faith in everything!
your silence offends me.

[17 Nov 2004|10:19pm]
"I talked with him perhaps a half a dozen times in the past month and found, to my disappointment, that he had little to say. So my first impression, that he was a person of some undefined consequence, had gradually faded..."

That seems to be the very effect I have on people. Do I disappoint you? I'm sorry.
your silence offends me.

edumacate me on how to behave appropriately, do you? [11 Nov 2004|05:08pm]
So, we all know I lose things a lot, and we all know it's because things fall out of my annoyingly small and angled coat pockets... metro cards (last week)... money... other assorted pocket-fare. This fine morning, I was walking along, completely unaware that something had fallen out of my pockets, when one half of a married couple (the husband) in back of me called, "miss, you dropped something!" So I tossed a glance behind my shoulder, figuring I had dropped something of significance or importance again, and realizing it was a candy wrapper. And before my mind was allowed enough time to even process it, wifey-poo was disposing of it for me, while he gave me a disapproving glare and scolded me in an accusatory manner, as if he was a disciplinarian and I was his subordinate; he was some figure of authority, and I, his subject to give commands to. He looked at me with what I'm positive was the most disparaging, contemptuous glare I'd ever seen, and reprimanded: "don't litter around here, it's not nice!" Can you believe the nerve of this guy? Oh, to be given lessons about what is and "isn't nice" by the guy whose contemptuous glare you're on the receiving end of! I was so startled and dumbfounded -- no, sickened -- by his audacity that all I managed to do in response was mumble a weak, apathetic "oh." and promptly turn back around, and keep on walking. I think I gave them a second and a half's worth of my attention, in all, so I guess I shouldn't be all that flustered about it. I was in the process of formulating a statement in my defense, but then I figured since they already convinced themselves I'm some deplorable... member of a lower life form, for "littering", why bother? I was unredeemable to them, anyway, and besides, in the two seconds that I briefly came in verbal contact with them, they had lost enough respect from me that I deemed their respect unworthy of winning. So I continued on my way, confused about what exactly I should have been feeling, split between indignation and bewilderment... either way, they left me so frustrated, unsure of what to make of our misunderstanding.

(Split-)seconds later, I overheard him say to wifey-poo, "no, it's okay, she didn't know," as if to sedate her, so I'm thinking wifey-poo had a fucking hissy-fit, or something. Gee, that's real smart, guy.. turned out he realized that "no, it's okay, she didn't know," but the manner in which he spoke to me very clearly insinuated he was under the impression that I was deliberately throwing things all over the floor, with intention (ill intention, at that) of, y'know, DESTROYING THE EARTH. Which is it, motherfucker?! DECIDE!

Sorry to break it to you, Mr. one-man ettiquette school, but your one-man etiquette school is run by a temperamental, irate ass! CHRIST, this city is overrun with the saddest lot of goddamn hypocrites I've ever had the displeasure of coming in brief social contact with, day-to-day. And apparently, they all get daily injections of pregnancy hormones, or something, because you don't fucking act like that unless pregancy hormones are responsible.
7 has spokenhave spoken |your silence offends me.

[07 Nov 2004|07:01pm]
someone tell me what Carrick from Everybody Else is doing at Robert Carmine's beach house? In the photos section of Rooney's official site?
2 has spokenhave spoken |your silence offends me.

lip from the mother country [07 Nov 2004|12:44pm]
UK newspaper's take on the results of this previous election: "How can 59,054,087 people be so dumb?"



I commend the Brits for posing this question.
2 has spokenhave spoken |your silence offends me.

[05 Nov 2004|05:20pm]
"I get to go home today.
I'm so INSANELY happy.
Michael & I are going PUMPKIN PICKING with his sister
& THEN DRINKING CIDER
& THEN CARVING THEM.
[<33333!@#!#@@$]


I'm wearing a sweater right now. A sweater. I love how biting & crisp the air is. It feels so clean, almost unpolluted. I almost lose my breath trying to inhale it in all too fast. I honestly can not wait for this season to develop."


::latches on to person's leg:: <3333
your silence offends me.

ATTN FELLOW HUMANS: [02 Nov 2004|07:30pm]
The hellmouth has officialy been re-opened (to my great dismay), and many the evils of the world, re-awakened. BEWARE!
Fortunately, there is nothing but positive energy over there so far.. Of course, we know this will never last. So enjoy while you still can.
1 has spokenhave spoken |your silence offends me.

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